Many people reach out to me after someone they know goes through a traumatic event, and ask me what they should say to make the person feel better.
I host a radio show called “The Grief Recovery Hour with Sharon Brubaker,” on KHTS and I recently welcomed guest Danielle Jones, who lost an ex boyfriend, and my nephew, in a motorcycle accident. Danielle went through the grief recovery process with me, and we talked together about what people said to her, why they say it and what people should say to someone who has lost someone they love.
There are 13.5 million grievers per year, and that’s about four per loss. What can we say to those who are hurting?
Some things that are not helpful to say:
– “You’ll be fine in time.” How much time? Time does not heal all wounds.
– “I know how you feel.” You probably don’t know exactly how they feel that moment, and the conversation shouldn’t be about you, it should be about them.
– “You are still grieving?” Grief takes time. Give people as long as they need to feel.
– “Look on the bright side.” “They are in a better place.” “They are no longer in pain.” Don’t try to fix the griever by finding the silver lining. That robs them of truly feeling their pain.
I know most people are trying to be nice and are trying not to upset the griever. What do grievers need?
Grievers need to talk and be heard. Let them tell their story over and over, for however long they need to.
– “I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.” This recognizes their pain.
– Offer a hug, and let them talk.
Previous Episode: Transformational Coaching, Motivation – The Grief Recovery Hour With Sharon Brubaker – August 1, 2018
I guide people through a crazy or down time in their life, and I am truly honored to walk through the journey of grief recovery with my clients. At A time to grief, I work with clients to help them understand that unresolved grief is almost always associated with wishing things were better, different or more and that it can have to do with any unfulfilled hopes, dreams and expectations.
I am not only a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist—I am a griever. I teach in my program that grief is a normal and natural reaction to a loss of any kind. Yet, we were never taught how to grieve. Sadly, most of the information we are given immediately following a loss from family or friends is incorrect. It does little or nothing to help us feel better or to begin the healing process. So, we continue to search and search.
Reach out to me today for help, and we can walk through this together.
About Sharon Brubaker
Grief is individual and unique for every person. A person’s relationship to each aspect of their life is also unique. As such, the feelings and thoughts each person will have about the relationship that has been altered by death, divorce, or other reasons requires customized attention using proven skills and understanding.