Yesterday, I was challenged to put up a black and white photo of myself on social media. I don’t know about you, but I have a love hate relationship with challenges.
I did it. I searched for a cutest picture of myself and turned it black and white.
I love black and white photos because they can cover up all of the flaws.
Black and white photos are more flattering.
They smooth the skin tone and texture, which has the side effect of bringing out the eyes. They just look more natural. Your skin looks amazing.
The little imperfections are hidden, a fault, blemish or undesirable feature. Most people would not even know that it was there but you know that it is there.
The same is true for the griever.
We have the grief we let people see.
The tears, telling the story of much we miss them.
Maybe a post here and there. But we quickly learn that most people don’t want to keep hearing our story. So, we stop talking.
We stop sharing the pain. We hide the pain for people.
As time goes by the intensity of your grief might lessen.
You might be able to function more easily and return to your normal pattern of living.
But just like the black and white photo you are hiding the faults, blemishes and undesirable features of the grief.
· You might have trouble sleeping
· You may have trouble over drinking
· You may have trouble with concentration
· You might have trouble with simple task
· You might have a feeling of tightness in your chest
· You might be crying all of the time in private
· Your heart may feel like it is about to jump out of your chest all of the time
The unresolved pain we suffer from grief stays with us.
It does not go away just because some time has gone by.
The negative aspects of it stays with us until we complete our relationship with the grief.
Here are some common signs that you are experience unresolved pain:
· Have you stopped sharing about your pain?
· Have you stopped saying their name because it is too painful?
· Are you going out of your way to avoid places that remind you of them?
· When you do share, are you only talking about the good stuff?
· Do you avoid meeting new people so that you don’t have to tell them?
Your life has been forever changed.
Just like this black and white photo you can not hide behind it and think that the pain will just not show.
There is nothing wrong with grieving.
We will all have to grieve at some point in our life.
You do not have to live the rest of your life in this pain.
This is your journey. How do you want to live it, in pain and in fear?
It is called grieving and living. You do your grief work and then you live.